[to quote someone from the forum: "more than 3 lines won't read". Good luck with that la.]

today
woke up at 3pm
hair in disarray
blanket on the floor
just like my head

had a dream of you
at the back of class
my class
turning around
saw you kiss her on the mouth

had a dream of you
at the back of class
my class
turning around
saw you kiss him on the mouth

slept on past 8am
mind fucked over
had a few more dreams
nothing special
helped me forget

woke up at 3pm
hair in disarray
head cracked open
fuck i wish i was gay

mark wahlberg on tv
former underwear model
look at those abs
say what?

sitting here
typing this
felt like crap a few hours ago
still depressed

no one likes a liar
especially not me
no wonder
i don't love me that much

bernice
addicted to her dramas
once i was her addict
and also her tissue
now i'm just
a random message in the night

no i'm not dead
yet

tomorrow get up at 10am
renewing my road tax
don't wanna see no sunshine through my window
just need a little gloom

jon and phil
we're doing lunch
why'd you make cat angry, jon
why'd i make her sad
just selfish of me
just really stupid

oh why do i think you're lying man
with all the things you said
bout it being platonic, man
cheap
really cheap
like debts unpaid

sarah
close we were
you used to annoy me
i probably did the same
shared poetry shared stories
your brilliance > mine
connections formed in
local playground
staring at grass petals crushed underneath
my cheap sandals
a moment
publish your book
i burned all of mine

karyn
we were innocent at 14
but we're different now
probably wouldn't have worked
glad you're happy now
i miss gareth

kit
we don't talk much
but that's just one of those
quirks
friend

wayne
thanks for the waffle
got more to say but heck
mj didnt deserve you
women are snakes with tits

if i were a boy
even just for a day
but oh wait, i am

she will only bring you happiness
unless it starts to rain
grey are the clouds of boredom
bleak is the sky of ennui
but that won't happen
you're her ray of sunshine

and if you melt that snowflake i will hunt you down and slice off the top half of your skull

i mean it but i probably won't have to do it
saves me the
fucking trouble

i only write this
bullshit
because neither of you
read it

yeah i did
send "Hey"
because-
million reasons

no bitter feelings?
coming from one
who does not know how
to say goodbye
who does not know how
to close the door when you leave

next victim

months of no speaking
you come back with an apology
i'm a bad person now that i've lost
someone dear to me
sorry for being
a bad friend
i said you weren't bad
i lied
doesn't matter
we stopped talking again

i'm a bad person

brutal honesty
a vain search for lost poetry
once inspired
by something beautiful (once held
between these ugly
shoulders)
now lost, hopeless like
moth-eaten curtains
like rats scuttling
in the attic
like the knocks against
my skull

oh mother how did it
get this bad

how did I let myself
go?

now she has sunlight in her palm
and the days grow warmer
every moment glowing with content
like staring at the sun directly
blinded by the glow
(you can't see the sunspots with all that glare
not if you don't look away)
a gentle snowflake falling slow
on the freshly fallen snow
innocent and fresh but naive
life is not all that easy
and rarely ever fair
beats down on us like
the mid afternoon sun's glare
but what do you care
you're a snowflake falling gently
and you've got sunshine

it was as if i were a child
and all the wrongs were right
i wore her like she was my smile
gap-toothed with sheer delight
and her top lay in the corner
or so such poetry goes
but no longer do i desire to write
such sexually charged prose
for what's lost twice is broken
unless you have some glue
lost twice more is a token
of some things you can't undo
so tonight i go to bed again
my fingers cold with doubt
and if anybody asks just say
i'm sorry, my smile's worn out.

Make up something to believe in your heart of hearts -
so you have something to wear on your sleeve of sleeves
~ Mistaken For Strangers - The National